History has shown time and time again that celebrity deaths come in threes. So with the death of health-fanatic Amy Winehouse, there are some big names who should be on high alert. With that in mind, The Reserve Clause gives you our top 10 candidates for the next two celebrity deaths, along with their respective odds of expiration.
10. Arnold Schwartzenegger – 15:1
His governorship is over. His kid with that she-beast has been revealed. And his marriage has crumbled. At this point, he’s looking up at “rock bottom”.
(Editorial Note: Potential suicides should probably be discounted. Arnold is definitely at that point.)
9. Daniel Radcliffe – 12:1
Mercifully, Harry Potter is finally over, and Danny Boy has some serious free time on his hands. Any non-teenage girl has been anticipating this kid’s downfall for the better part of a decade, and we may be very close now.
(Editorial Note: I hear that he may be cast as the new Spiderman on Broadway. If that's the case, his odds are definitely rocketing higher than 12:1.)
8. Fat Joe – 10:1
Two factors working against him. One: He’s a rapper, which doesn’t come with a great life expectancy. Two: His poor physical condition is highlighted in his damn name. But beware of a trap bet here; sometimes when the money seems too easy to be true, it is.
(Editorial Note: You'll get no argument here. Fat Joe is probably going to get capped by Ja Rule's crew since he didn't go all Suge Knight and save his boy.)
7. Russell Brand – 9:1
This guy has made it so ridiculously far with so little talent to show for it that his karma can only swing back and knock him on his British ass at some point. Money doubles if Katy Perry somehow causes it.
(Editorial Note: The world would stop spinning if Russell and Perry both drank the Kool-Aid. Word is that both of them are only eating vegetables. My guess is that their gardener poisons the cabbage.)
6. Jack White – 7:1
The hardest working man is the music industry – with no less than 8 different projects going on at any one time – has to be on some constant cycle of espresso, 5-Hour Energy Drinks and meth. How much longer can his heart take it?
(Editorial Note: Let's not fancy it up, White is just a classy, old-fashioned coke head. Whitney has nothing on Jack. CRACK IS WHACK!)
5. Hulk Hogan – 6:1
If I didn’t put a wrestler on this list, I simply wouldn’t be doing my job. If heaven has a WrestleMania, it may be about to get a headliner, brother.
(Editorial Note: Vince McMahon will talk the Hulkster into the first to the death match. Hulk, in seemingly endless financial difficulty, will do it just to make sure that Linda and her 20-year old guy have enough gas in the Jet Ski.
4. Metta World Peace – 4:1
For those not keeping track, this is Ron Artest’s new name. With the NBA looking at a long lockout ahead, Metta’s gonna have to work hard to keep himself out of trouble. Just no one throw a cup his way.
(Editorial Note: Agreed with the author. Peace is probably going down in a massive Staples Center brawl. The only way a kid from the Bronx really wants to die anyway. Maybe he'll take Mr. Kardashian with him.)
3. Larry King – 3:1
I actually had to make sure he was still alive before putting him on this list. His inclusion almost feels like cheating.
(Editorial Note: Are people who are close to death due to natural causes really counting? Well, I guess this list started because of Amy Winehouse.)
2. Charlie Sheen – 2:1
If it’s possible to OD on tiger blood, this prick is in some trouble. Those lined up to work on his new show should wait a week or two before quitting their current gigs.
(Editorial Note: My guess is that Chuck Sheen kicks it after another round of steroids during filming for the next Major League flick.)
1. Lindsay Lohan – 1:2
Yeah, like I need to justify this one.
(Editorial Note: We're all better off without her.)
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